….uh oh! Marques has competition!

My Name Is Walta I Leave In Alexandria, Virginia I Moved Out Hear From Las Vegas, Nevada A Couple Of Months Ago, A Little About Me I Have A Good Communication Skill, Peoples Person, Can Speak Three Languages, Multitasking Person And Can Work Independently But Loves To Work With Other Peoples,
I Have Some Experience On Data Processing, Some On Sales Since I Worked As A Marketing Manager, Some On Finance And On Management And I Know My Way Around Computers Since I Took Some Major Programming Courses, And I Have Helped In Some Charity Works While I Was In College Too With The HIV Victim Children’s In Orphanage With Ethiopian Students Associations Based Hear In The United States Of America .
And I Am Currently Working In Two Different Places And One Of Them Is Just 6 Hours A Weak And It Is On The Evening Too, So If Needed Will Be Available AM/PM.
I Have Attached My Resume Looking Forward To Hearing From You.
Have A Blessed Day Thank You In Advance.

Worst cover letter EVER

I am not kidding- this may be the worst one I’ve ever seen. I commend you if you can get through the entire thing:

I MARQUES WOULD BE A GREAT ADSET TO THIS TEAM.WHY BECAUSE IM LOYAL AND HONEST.IM A TEAM PLAYER.I JUST LOVE WORKING WITH GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE STRIVE AND PROFECTION TO GETTING THE JOB DONE RIGHT.ITS’ ALL ABOUT CUSTOMER SERVICE.CUSTOMER SERVICE IS ALWAYS IN A EVERDAY WAY OF LIFE.YOU NEED ALL HANDS ON DECK TO MAKE A TEAM.IT’S NOT ABOUT ME ITS ALL ABOUT THE WHOLE ENTIRE ORNIZATION ITSELF.NO MATTER HOW MUCH MY SUPERVERIORS MIGHT THINK MY HABITS ARE.I WILL ALWAYS USE ITAS MOTAVIATION TOOL.YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF IN THE CUSTOMER SHOES.IMAGINE YOURSELF AS THE CUSTOMER.I FEEL IM THE CUSTOMER COMING INTO THE DOOR WHEN I SEE THEM.THE THING I DON’T WANT TO SEE IS SEEING THAT CUSTOMER WALK OUT.THEN THEY WILL GO TO THE COMPTITON.EVEN IF I DON’T GIVE THEM THE ANSWER THEY WANT I WANT TO GIVE THEM SENSE I LISTEN TO THEM.AT LEAST MARQUES GAVE ME OBTIONS TO TRY AND SEE WHAT IS AVAIBLE FOR ME.

 

Am I the only one who finds this extremely discouraging?

 

WORK&VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCE 

Sales Vendor, Macy’s, Marlow Heights, MD  10/2009-present

-Selling fragrances by Paris Hilton, Queen Latifah, Mark Ecko, and Jessica Simpson lines

Really? Are you?

Dear Sir,

Please find the attach file of my resume for your kind consideration.

I am expecting your call for the interview so that, I can prove my self, I am the wright person for this position.

Regards

And he’s still working there.

Date: May 19, 2006 11:03 AM
Subject: OOS today
To: Hardware

I’ve got a lot of stuffs to do around here and I was stuck in a
traffic last night for more than an hour, so I don’t feel like driving
today. Have a good day, everybody.

–Nathan

“Online Referral”

I was to referred to you by [name redacted]. He knows I am looking for employment and he told me to try your staffing company. He has known me by these names, Angellette or MissBeaujolie, just some name I used online when I first chatted with him.

Lift this

(Note: we exclusively staff administrative positions.)

I am a recent graduate form Allied Training Program, where I got certified as a HVAC Techncian (heating and AC).  I’m looking for an entry level position, where I can grow from the bottom to the top. I also have great experience with cars, and working in warehouses… I am able to lift 315 pounds. Hopefully able to work together to help support my career.

Happy day, or we are not pimps

From: merci

Sent: Friday, October 02, 2009 3:56 PM

To:  Staffing Agency

Subject: Hi from idealist.org

Hi happy day to you,i am miss Merci who viewed your profile today and like it very much,which makes me to write to you to let you know that i am interested in you,therefore i will like you to write me back through my mail address so that i will tell you further about myself and send you also my picture for you to know me physically.

Here is my mail address,

My email address is    [redacted]

Miss Merci. 

This job is not a Happy Meal

Me (confirming the assignment): “So give us a call when you arrive on Monday.”

Temp: “Wait… the job is just data?”

Me: “Yes… It is a database assignment- entering information into a database.”

Temp: “Oh. Then I decline the job. I thought I’d have more options.”

I does other stuff good, too

From a friend: … Somebody just put a “shit”load of resumes on my desk, and I came across this gem…

“Other Relevant Skills: i know how to play many sports so i know what i’ll be doing”